As 2011 drew to a close, I contemplated finishing the task I had begun in those first two posts: reliving all the painful moments, describing the few happy times interspersed among the tough ones. But time ran out. On December 16, I had an emergency surgery to remove my right Fallopian tube after my ectopic pregnancy ruptured. Then I was able to spend a much-needed week in Georgia with my family, and by the time I got back, I didn't feel like dwelling on the sorrows of the past year anymore. I was ready to start anticipating the new one. So I'll end that series of posts here, with the words I posted on my facebook page on New Year's Eve. They express my feelings better than a whole series of posts about each individual event could:
Some friends from Ecuador told me about Ecuadorian New Year's Eve tradition. They make an effigy representing the year and fill it with firecrackers. If it's been an especially bad year, they make a show of beating it before setting it off. I'd like to blow 2011 sky high after giving it a few swift kicks. It's been all kinds of terrible, and I'm not the least bit sorry to see it go. But it wasn't without purpose.
Hopefully, 2012 will bring a return to OKC, a teaching job, and a healthy pregnancy. But even if it doesn't, I'll carry the jewels left behind in the ashes of 2011 with me: a greater assurance of God's faithfulness and provision (being miraculously selected--against stiff competition--for a grant for Ken's business that we wrote together, getting health insurance in the nick of time before an unexpected surgery after being denied coverage, raising thousands of dollars to build a church in India, Ken's being able to quit his miserable OSU job to work for CRISALIS full time, among many other examples); a stronger relationship with my precious husband, who has prayed with me and cried with me through two early miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy; and a deeper commitment to my callings, writing and teaching (along with crystal clarity that I'm not meant to teach college, at least not now).
Goodbye, 2011. I'm finally grateful for the gifts you brought, and just as grateful to see you explode.