Yesterday my wonderful doctor, who said she's no matchmaker and doesn't usually do this sort of thing, suggested setting me up with a pharmaceutical sales rep she knows. He's a great guy, never married, who's been waiting for the right one. He really wants to get married and have children. The problem? He's in his 40s! She doesn't know whether he's 41, or 45, or (gasp!) even older.So whaddya say? Would one blind date hurt? Or is he just way too old? I've got the biblical example of Boaz and Ruth, I suppose, on the side of going for it (and according to tradition, Joseph and Mary). Then there's the literary examples of Emma and Mr. Knightley, Jane and Rochester, etc. But ewww.
Such a weird age, 30. Especially when you're a total innocent (and a young-looking one at that) in the dating world. I had a former student (about 20 yrs. old) practically flirting with me the other night on facebook, telling me I wasn't old and talking about all the cougars at the bars in Statesboro. This after a sixth grader had told me the day before that I'd look like a model if my hair were blowing in the wind and I got some fly (or "fie" (fire)--don't know which term he used) clothes, not those old-lady church clothes I wore to work! Don't worry. I shushed him and explained the inappropriateness. No Mary Kay LeTourneau here.
But still. Seems I've always had little children and old men in love with me. Very few fellas of the right age have ever asked me out. Am I old before my time...or just frightfully immature?
Got any suggestions for dating my age--as opposed to my shoe size (10) or my hip measurement (ahem...)???
9 comments:
Age can really be a state of mind. He might be young at heart and on your level, too young at heart and has never grown up, or he could have never married because he has always been old before his time. I don't think there is anything wrong with one blind date, but if I were you, I would try to get to know him first.
Fear not. The doctor is REAL IN.
So whaddya say? Would one blind date hurt? Or is he just way too old?
Well, I wouldn't be turning down any possible matches. Just ask yourself, what would Al "Get-married-yesterday" Mohler do? My advice: carpe diem, que sera sera, in vino veritas, etc.
But still. Seems I've always had little children and old men in love with me. Very few fellas of the right age have ever asked me out. Am I old before my time...or just frightfully immature?
I've no doubt there have been plenty of guys your age who liked you. Guys, for all their wildness at heart, are lazy and don't generally take the risk of bruising their fragile self-esteems where not absolutely necessary. Girls who are not naturally flirtatious are perceived as hard won and likely to rebuff advances (to humiliating results); when a guy is thwarted by this type, he looks -- or at least he feels like he looks -- like a failure. The average guy will tend to either stick with a less challenging goal (flirty girls) or go after one way out of his league so that, if rejected, no one will fault him for not succeeding. This is why younger guys half-seriously hit on older women.
Older guys...well, they're not getting any younger. It's just that simple.
Got any suggestions for dating my age--as opposed to my shoe size (10) or my hip measurement (ahem...)???
This may not be new information to you, but given my analysis above, I'd keep this in mind: make sure you show your interest in potential candidates your age soon enough, but of course not so much that it looks like you're pursuing them. Yeah, guys want to pursue, but girls have got to expect them to maintain enough self-interest to avoid running a red light in order to do so: so your job is to just make sure he sees that it's green (or, better, yellow). Renee was in that danger zone of being beautiful, intelligent, not flirtatious, and my own age; I wouldn't have been willing to take the risk if it weren't for that strategically placed carrot. Leah, you've got a lot going for you, so you've got to make sure you don't intimidate the poor fella into thinking he's not got much of a chance for a return on his investment.
And another thing: give the guy a chance to sell himself to you. You shouldn't rule him out based primarily upon predetermined criteria until you've heard him out.
This was probably all completely useless to you, but it was a lot of fun. :)
Take a chance. Go on the date. Once we're grown adults (out of college, mature, etc.) age is not a big deal. When you meet him there may be lots of reasons NOT to start a relationship, but don't let the age factor keep you from finding out. It could turn out to be a hilarious blog post or maybe something better.
Dr. Steve's advice was both sage and enlightening. Thanks for letter the other half know why some men act they way they do. Thanks for taking the time to encourage Leah - all of you!!! Oh by the way, I also love the stories of Ruth and Boaz, Emma and Mr. Knightly, Jane and Mr. Rochester, as well as Christy and Dr. McNeil, Rebecca and Mr. de Winter, and that wonderful vignette about Betty and her older suitor from the Further Chronicles of Avonlea.
That's a tough one. Hmmmm...
There is a philosophy I've recently adopted that might serve you (and everyone else in the world) well. Basically, I opt to do the opposite of my first instinct. If my first instinct is always wrong, the opposite must always be right. So, what you have to ask yourself is: what would Kev do?
Would I go on a blind date with someone in their 40s? No. Therefore, you probably should.
It can't hurt to give it a chance, right?
I was delighted to see you had a new post this morning as I was making myself sick on eating too much pecan pie for breakfast. (I"ll be glad -- and sad -- when it's gone! By the way, Corey has been enjoying your pumpkin pie. Thanks for leaving it!)
First of all, you do have a wonderful doctor if she is taking that kind of time with you in this HMO-driven world of 15-minutes- max per patient to not only assess your medical health but to venture into your social life as well, which certainly impacts one's overall health.
Secondly, this guy must be really successful if he is still in pharmaceutical sales in his up-to- mid-40s. That industry is notorious for seeking out the young and beautiful to sell the drugs. By the same token, if he's just breaking into that industry at his age, he still must be really something!
Thirdly, I think without meeting him you'll be unable to address if he's too old or you're too young. So, in the words of Abba, take a chance! My good friend, Peggy, who is 62 did just that and she is marrying the love of her life this Valentine's Day. His age? 82!!! He plays tennis everyday and golf about 3 times a week. He is young because his mind is young and he keeps active.
Age can be so deceptive. Don't be left wondering. Have a cup of coffee with him. You can be in and out of the Starbucks in 30 minutes or you can turn it into a long afternoon if that's the way things go. You have little to lose and possibly much to gain.
Glad you posted. I always love to read your thoughts!
Love, KK
Your friend Heather commented on my blog and I found your link on hers. I LOVE You've Got Mail too. I think its hilarious that you have all those categories on the side named after You've Got Mail quotes. What do you teach? I teach sixth grade math! One more day til the break! :)
Thanks, everyone, for your wonderful comments. I guess I'll talk to Dr. Moore about it at my next appointment. Like Steve said, I certainly shouldn't be limiting my possibilities.
If I could only figure out that whole green light thing, we'd be in business.
Teresa, nice to meet you, and thank you for noticing the category titles from You've Got Mail. You're the first to comment on them. I probably love that movie too much, but it's just so ME. As for your question, I am teaching middle school art for the first time--taught high school English for three years and got certified in art through the GACE. It's been an interesting experience.
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